Signing Off

As it turns out, it's tough to find time to blog when you have a real job. Everything seemed so much easier when my main responsibility still required limited pant-wearing. I've been absent from this blog quite a bit over the last few months, and I think it's finally time to admit defeat. Law school is over. To be honest, it wasn't bad at all. Now I'm moving on to bigger and better things (or so I'm told). So I guess this is goodbye. Thanks for reading, mom all.

Goodnight, good luck, and enjoy that delicious drug they call Westlaw while you still have it, kids.

Bar Exam

I survived.

More on that later.

There is an LOL Cats Bar Exam page on Facebook.

And I have been on there browsing for hours.

And I know nothing about the law.

WTF

I sometimes wonder if Barbri has even looked at the essays for my state in the last, say, 15 years. Almost every question has some element I have never heard of.

Do you hear me Barbri?! Why didn't you teach me about strips and gores? Why didn't you teach me that a landlord has no duty to repair after a big storm until the insurance gives her the money? Or maybe you could have explained just what exactly fund trapping is and how it works? Why didn't you teach me that there is no way I am going to learn all of this and I should just give up and flee to Mexico before the department of ed starts looking for their loans?!

These are the kinds of wills I am dealing with.

I hereby leave all my estate to my dog, Noodles, because I despise my only sister, Karen, who harassed, humiliated and embarrassed me both publicly and privately since we were both children. In the event Noodles predeceases me, I leave my entire state to the SPCA.

I'm starting to feel.
(Breathe)
A little crazy.
(Breathe)
About this test.

Gulp.

Seriously?

I am on an email list for Real Simple magazine (love!) and they send me little tips and recipes and stuff. Well today I got an email. Re: If you do just one thing this month.

"If you do just one thing this month, brush up on stain removing tricks."

Yeah, that's the one thing I'm going to do this month.

Thanks, Barbri

"For 'adult movies' there must not just be some redeeming social value; it must have serious redeeming value. For example, it would not be sufficient that an otherwise obscene movie included short tips on the importance of brushing teeth."

A different kind of bar life

Her: I got kicked out of a bar last night.
Me: What?! How?!
Her: My roommate stole a drink off the bar and gave it to me. I got nabbed while drinking it!
Me: Who steals a drink at a bar?!
Her: Apparently we do. But you don't understand. It was so blue and it had a little pineapple on the top of the glass!
Me: That does sound tempting...
Her: Unfortunately, it was also very easy to identify when the bartender realized it had disappeared.

I miss having a social life. Or any life at all. I want to drink a blue drink with a pineapple in it. But, alas, I don't even remember the last time I wore real pants.

Victory!! ...and Defeat.

We caught the mouse in the humane trap!! BW woke me up in the middle of the night and we drove Barrister out to the golf course a few miles away and set him loose in the greenbelt! Victory!!

I seriously woke up this morning with a huge weight lifted from my shoulders (isn't that ridiculous!?). Unfortunately some of that weight is back because I learned my hard drive is about to fail (again...). I sure hope that (1) the new hard drive comes quickly and can be installed before the bar exam and (2) the board of law examiners will let me download another copy of ExamSoft even though the deadline has passed.

If not, I'm joining Barrister in the forest.

I'm going to get the plague

Pretty sure the mouse lives in my couch. FML.

True or False

1. I contacted pest control to get rid of Barrister
2. I then started feeling guilty about murdering Barrister
3. I then called Brandon Walsh at work to get his read on whether or not I should have the pest control guy come after all
4. I decided to trick the pest control guy in to coming anyway, to spray for bugs
5. I had a heart-to-heart with the pest control guy about getting rid of Barrister
6. The pest control guy confessed that he once had to kill a mouse and it almost brought him to tears
7. I was almost brought to tears thinking of Barrister in a mouse trap
8. I spent a small fortune on the internet buying "humane" mouse traps, which will probably end up not working
   
9. The website says to check mouse traps often to be sure the mice don't overheat. Hilarious.
10. I am losing my mind

True. All of the above are true.

Mouse in the House

I'm subletting from a friend this summer. Apparently the apartment came complete with a mouse. It pooped on my desk. Brandon Walsh saw it last night scampering around.

I really do not want to live with a mouse.

But he's so tiny and cute, I also do not want to kill him.

I shall name him Barrister. And he shall poop on my desk and help me understand the mens rea for all the different murders. Until I get up the courage to do him in.

Have abandoned my family law outline. Am watching America's Got Talent on my couch.

All hope is lost.




----

Thoughts on America's Got Talent:

First I started tearing up because this 40 year old Asian woman was never allowed to sing (Tiger mother) and she was an amazing opera singer.

Then, Fantastic Fig with his cat Newton came out. He used to be an attorney but now he does magic tricks with his cat. He said being an attorney was fun, but being a magician is better. This is a likely career path for me now that I've cast aside my bar studies in favor of this highly worthwhile show.

On the whole, there are some talented people I guess. But I think the show would be more aptly named America's Got Weirdos.

Think it over, TV Execs, and get back to me.

How to study for the bar:

I have tried to make this a game. I bought a stupid timer in the shape of a tomato. I set it to 25 minutes. After that time I can have a five minute break. It actually works pretty well because I am always racing to see how much I can get through before the time is up.

If, like me, you have the disposition of a five year old, I recommend it.

Legal Ease gets published!

Also, did I mention that for graduation, Brandon Walsh had my blog printed and bound like a book? And it was so sweet I cried?

Technically that makes me unstable an author.

I am the epitome of cool.

Am I studying my MBE notes all alone at 10pm on a Saturday night, blaring Does He Love You and singing both parts of the duet between Reba McEntire and Linda Davis?

Yes. Yes I am.

Currently

OhhayitsKK hit the nail on the head. I didn't expect studying for the bar exam to be so difficult. Usually people seem to exaggerate about how difficult things are, so I ignored the warnings.

But as it turns out: this shit is hard.

Luckily my sister in law just sent me a big box of fresh cookies. Very sweet. I might not jump off a cliff now. I sort of think she and Brandon Walsh are planning to fatten me up, hoping I'll become a jolly plump lady. Chances of plumpness are high. Chances of jolliness are not.

In other news, Brandon Walsh got a job in our new city, which is awesome. (He starts in July--just in time for me to quit going in to the office, take over the house with study materials, and cry in my spare time.) Being the totally reasonable and responsible person I am, I booked a trip to Belize to celebrate.

Once again, we're headed to the Caribbean in the midst of hurricane season. I will be pissed if I die in a storm after all this work.

That's all.

The bar exam has made me high maintenance. I just made BW go to the store and buy me all this:

Also, I'll be 200 pounds by July 29

I mean, I don't suck that much: I have business cards now. And a credenza.

I suppose I'm doing just fine.

Realization: I kind of suck

Bar study + Lawyer job = Terrible for self-confidence

I can't learn anything
And I do everything wrong

I am basically terrified all the time, and constantly wondering why I am so inadequate in every way. This is a tough thing to do to someone who has a big enough god complex to write a blog devoted entirely her own life. So hat's off to you bar exam and new job, you've done it!

Now I'm off to hum the Rocky theme song to myself to get my confidence up.

Studying for the bar is worse than you think it is.

I'm still here!!

So BarBri has started and I'm also working part time. In other words, I am exhausted and on the brink of tears at all times. A few recent notes:

My BarBri lecturer puts an extra syllable in substantive. She says, substantative. I presume she's right about all the other things she's been teaching us, like contractious, propertety, and Constitutututional law.

I know basically no one in my prep class. All of the students in this city went to school together, while I am a recent implant. I've been trying to be super friendly so that I can meet other bar studiers. The other day, I was grabbing lunch nearby on our break, and I asked a guy sitting by himself if I could join him. He happily said yes. Then I realized he was not taking BarBri. So yes, I am lonely enough to hit on strangers.

Finally, so far my job is sort of awesome. I have a cool, corner office with three windows and I just got to buy a sweet computer on the firm's dime. More importantly, the attorneys are so busy right now that they keep giving me interesting, substantative assignments. The good news: it's fun to play lawyer. The bad news: I think their malpractice insurance rates are about to go up.


Stay tuned.

Changes

This weekend at my brother in law's graduation party, someone asked me what I do for a living, and I said:

I'm a lawyer?

It was super weird.

5/4/11

Today I finished law school.

An interesting article on Osama bin Laden's death

Brandon Walsh's Famous Last Words:

"Your blog was funnier earlier in law school."

The sad part is, I know it's true. Interesting tid bit: law school becomes less amusing the longer you're in it. Then, suddenly, it's over and all you want to do is snuggle up with your 1L text books and relive the glory days of proximate cause, FRCPs, perpetuities, consideration, mens rea, and Marbury v. Madison.

There's nothing funny about having to get a real job, Brandon Walsh.

Status

One exam down, and three to go! And then I'll be finished with law school


...And have to start BarfBri. I'd better stock up on burgers and chocolate eggs, it's going to be a rough summer.

Finals Diet

and

And tears. Don't forget tears.

I saw this article this morning and wondered if my mother has some how gotten a job as a reporter:

Why You Should Assume Everyone Has Herpes

Distractions

I should be studying for exams, but instead I'm looking for basically anything else to do:

• Looking at the ridiculous comments on YouTube videos. One of today's best, from an Adele song: "one of the most beautiful songs of the year. i can totally see myself playing this while on the train after an emotional break up or something, for that beautiful movie effect :)"
  

• Reading The Lincoln Lawyer. It's a page turner! I keep taking breaks to read a few hundred pages
  

• Updating my blog. You're welcome.
  

Yesterday was my last day of law school classes, and you know what I got?

Hit by a car.

Luckily I am fine. I was walking in the cross walk and the guy was going pretty slow. But I feel like that is some pretty ominous foreshadowing.

Crazy

Law school is winding down and for some reason I have gotten really emotional. Like almost cried in most of my classes. And then I saw a Fancy Feast commerical, and totally lost it.

That's right, I was crying. Because of a cat food commercial.

Text from a friend...

Just took the Pilates class. So I stretched for an hour. I hate Pilates and Yoga.

When all I have to do is hit a button, I'll pretty much "like" anything.

Along with the the dark chocolate covered almonds, we can add "liking" things on Facebook to my list of current obsessions. It's easier than actually typing a message, and more adventurous. For some reason, I will "like" someone's post even when I would never actually talk to them in person or on facebook (Why am I online "friends" with such a person? Couldn't tell you). I've been liking the posts of people I haven't spoken to in years. It's refreshing. I giggle to myself about it. Now for the ultimate happiness: Like random crap while eating the almonds.

Life. Complete.

Thought for the Night:

Damn you, brand new Supreme Court cases that are not already in my outline!!

Anyone care to summarize this 42 page case for me, from a conflict of laws perspective?
Morrison v. National Australian Bank

Kthnxbai!

Professor's response to an off-the-wall answer from a student:

...Well, that doesn't ring any bells...

Love it.

A few things

I cannot stop eating dark chocolate covered almonds. I'm doing it for the antioxidants. Obviously.

According to Brandon Walsh, last night I woke up, took my shirt off, went to in to the bathroom, said "Oh, the producers are NOT going to like this!" put my shirt back on, and got back in bed. Something strange is going on in my dreams. Or I signed BW and myself up for a reality show and forgot about it (possible).

The other day, I walked in to the bathroom while BW was showering and noticed some muffled music. He had brought his phone in to the shower so that he could listen to music. I think there's a better option.

Fun new game

Spring break chicken: How long can you and your friends hold out on not going back to class? Whoever wins probably fails law school, but in the mean time...more spring break!

Back?

I'm back. And I'm not going to hide it, guys, I'm tired of blogging. Law school just isn't funny or interesting anymore. It's more of an exercise in how long I can stay awake. I am also doing a ton of work for the law firm, none of which I can really write about in any detail because of concerns about professionalism (I am such a professional) and confidentiality.

Oh, and I got a new blackberry. So that's worth writing about.

Sigh.

Spring Break

It's my last Spring Break (unless BW lets me get a PhD or an LLM...please??) and I'm headed out of town for a quick getaway. Back in a bit!

Spin!

Isn't it amazing they way a good workout can turn your day around? The spin teachers at my gym have been a little lackluster lately, so I went to the gym on my own this morning for a spin workout.

I tuned in to the Pandora Station for Taio Cruz (I love you, Taio) on my blackberry and did a 45 minute spin workout on my own and at was a-maz-ing. Good music makes such a difference! Right now I am loving pretty much any song by Taio Cruz. They all have a great beat, especially for cycling. There's a new Usher song called More that I am loving. I also can't get enough of Pit Bull in just about any song. And thanks to Pandora I discovered this song called All the Above by Maino ft. T-Pain.

I could have stayed another hour spinning to these delicious tunes. I have stopped listening to any music that I don't think would be good for a cycling workout. I am embarassed when people ask me what kind of music I like, because the only requirement is that it be associated with sweat and endorphins.

Though I've been feeling super blah lately, today's exercise has brought me back to life. For those of you sick and tired of your routine, get out to the gym and give yourself a good ass kicking! It's made all the difference for me today!

Yall.

I am not going to make it.

It's a week before spring break, and I've been having to fight myself every morning just to get out of bed. I have all of next week off! There is no good reason for me to skip class this week.

Except that I really want to sleep in. And I don't want to do my reading. And if I don't eat 1000 dark chocolate covered almonds while watching six hours of What Not to Wear I will die.

Halp.

Multiple Choice

I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown because:

(a) I am a full time law student with a crazy GPA goal set for graduation
(b) I have over 600 pages of student papers to read for my law journal
(c) I am running my family's business, and we've just started on the busiest season
(d) I am recruiting a team of law students to help with overflow work for my future employer and everything I do for them feels like a test
(e) I can't stop thinking about the bar exam and panicking about which organ I will have to donate to pay for BarBri
(f) I am terrified about paying back my student loans
(h) I am picking up my entire life with Brandon Walsh and moving to another city in two months
(i) I am frantically searching for a new job in the new city for BW
(j) My bitch-of-a-neighbor keeps blocking me in and out of my parking space by allowing her boyfriend to park his huge SUV wherever he pleases, in violation of her lease. AND the maids that clean her house every week and listen to Tejano music so loud it shakes the floors
(k) All of the above

Scared

I'm the case note and comment editor for our journal. Tonight the staff editors have to turn in their comments. Statistically, I think now is the time I am most likely to get knocked off. So if I disappear, investigate the law review first.

Freak Out

Is it just me or do most law students seem to have some variety of soul crushing anxiety? Today my boss called and asked me to take on a new, unusual task. It freaked me out a little bit because it has to be done on a deadline, and I feel like everything I do for him requires me to prove myself. I was worried I would fail. Naturally, I started having a bit of a panic attack. A few years ago I used to take medication for anxiety, but I've since stopped taking them. Instead, I exercise like a mad woman. So today when I got off the phone, I panicked productively by doing some preliminary research, and then I ran. Hard. For an hour.

Suddenly, I'm back to normal and ready to take on the world. Endorphins rule.

The Downside...

It's only a matter of time before BW starts telling me I don't have subject matter/personal jurisdiction over him.

And that's how law school can wreak havoc in a marriage.

Law School to the Rescue

Since I'm a full time student, I spend more time at the house than Brandon Walsh. As a result, I tend to do most of the household tasks. While I don't mind pitching in (in fact, I enjoy most of it) I do occasionally get a little lot crazy and feel like I could use some help. So last night I asked Brandon Walsh to help out by doing some household chores on his own initiative, sua sponte, if you will. BW pointed out that whenever he does something on his own, I get irritated with him because he doesn't do it exactly as I would (he's not wrong here, but it's not my fault I'm perfect). So in exchange for his promise to do household chores sua sponte, I agreed to a deferential standard of review. When he takes the initiative to clean up or cook dinner, I will only overturn his decisions if there is a clear abuse of discretion, and he acts without regard to any guiding principles (...he tends to ignore the instructions in recipes, does that count?)

And that's how law school saved my marriage.

What to put on your business card

Career Services has recommended that students without job offers for the Fall have business cards printed. What are you supposed to put on them? A few suggestions:

Legal Ease
Unemployable

Legal Ease
Devil's Advocate

Legal Ease
Insert Your Firm's Opening Here

Legal Ease
Homeless

You get the idea.

Losing It

I'm burning out y'all. I don't even want to do my reading. I want to skip Italian class tonight. It's beautiful outside but all I want to do is eat junk food and nap...What is happening???

Best Professor Line Ever

"That's the kind of answer I would expect to get from you if I woke you up at three in the morning."

Patience is a Virtue

My poor husband is constantly having to deal with my impatience. I can't just wait to see how things will go--I generally have any possible contingency mentally mapped out to the tenth degree. While this might make me a good lawyer (emphasis on might), it makes me a pretty miserable companion. I know this about myself. But rarely do I see it as clearly as I did today:

I had about 10 episodes of Design on a Dime on my DVR. (Side note: has that show gone downhill or does it all look worse to me now that I'm not redesigning my college apartment?) Rather than watching each episode 30 minutes at a time, I started each one to see the "before" and then fast-forwarded to the very end to see the "after." None of their DIYs are helpful, and I have no desire to watch the process. I watched ten episodes in thirty minutes. Is that NORMAL? I think the answer is no.

Just be glad you're not the one stuck with me for life.

Panic Much?

In an email from my bar prep course:

And, of course, it’s only your law license on the line. The bar exam is the highest stakes final exam you'll ever take.

Who am I married to?

Me: Do you like smoothies?
BW: Well, it's not a milkshake, so I don't really understand the point.
Me: What??
BW: I mean, I'd eat like a turkey sandwich smoothie I guess.

Love This

Which one is not like the other ones?

Hilarious.

Making It Official

Well I had to turn in my bar exam application and confirm with BarBri where I will study for the bar, so I finally broke down and asked the firm I got a casual offer from to discuss specifics. Everything turned out well! I am pretty pleased with the pay they offered, and they are very laid back with billable hours as long as I get my work done. It seems like the kind of place where I'll truly be able to have a healthy work-life balance. Also, I've been doing some law clerk work for them this semester, and so far I am loving it. Plus there will basically never be any document review, and I will have (and already have had!) direct client contact right of the bat. Plus, they guys who run the firm have been doing this for a long time and have a lot of knowledge and experience they can share with me. I am really excited!

It looks like we will be moving (back to the city where I attended college, a super popular city that people love!) in Mid-May so that I can begin working part time while I study for the bar exam (eek!). I'm frantically trying to figure out the BarBri hours so I can tell the firm when they can expect to see me in the office. I'm also weighing what to do about the PMF program and a few other things that are up in the air. Although I'm satisfied with the job offer I have, I don't think I will pull my name out of the running yet just in case something amazing falls from the sky. But being realistic, this set up would be a tough one to beat. I'm all smiles (for once!).

Doom

The law school is closed again today. I feel like there will be consequences for this. I don't like make-up classes (even though I should, since I pay like $300 for each class meeting).

I'm scared.

Ohio v. Essa

Another snow day. I've watched approximately 30 hours of In Session, which is basically just a live stream of murder trials, on TruTV. Right now I'm watching the closing arguments of the prosecution in a case where a cheating husband allegedly poisoned his wife (he totally did it). The prosecutor must have just said "vicarious liability" but I swear I heard "bi-curious liability." Perhaps I should take a break??

Snow Day!

The law school is closed today because of ice and snow. While I should use this day to do work and get ahead, I think I will probably lounge in bed and attempt to eat 5000 calories. Because I'm practical.

Good for law students to remember during the job hunt, whether you're a 1L, 2L, or 3L.

It cost me $12.00 to get internet in my hotel room, but I had to buy it to do my law journal work just to tell you:

D.C. is. Awesome. God bless America and all that. Obama, give me a job.

Hiatus

Headed to DC tomorrow for my PMF interview, so please pardon my radio silence. When I return I promise to regale you with tales about my latest adventures in lawyering: keeping a straight face in front of a client. Stay tuned.

Also, did you know that there are sharks swimming in Australian streets because of the recent flooding in there? This scenario is basically my life long dream slash biggest nightmare. Why are sharks so cool and so scary?

English

Today I noticed that this google query lead someone to my blog:

"law review already cite checked i hate you"

Umm...honey, are you sure you're on law review??

A Character

I have a crazy tea party proponent in my legislation class. While the professor was talking about how people were confused in the recent health care debate by "death panels," Teabags thought it advisable to interrupt the lecture and insist that death panels are real. He also never raises his hand before speaking, interrupts other students, and mumbles while he rants. After class I realized I had had an interaction with this bright young fellow before. Oh, happy day of reunion!

Wardrobe

So tired of winter. Can I wear a snuggie to class?

Anonymous Tormentor

I bought my legislation book used, and the previous owner is trying to make me have a nervous break down. She has different parts of different cases in the text book underlined in different colored pens. It looks so official, and her writing is so neat. I feel like she must be on to something, but on closer inspection (let's be honest, it's more of a cursory inspection--I can't be bothered to care too much) I can't make any sense of why she colored one part red and another part purple.

WTF, Legislation Dominatrix?! Are you brilliant beyond all comprehension, or dim beyond all sense?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW, (a lot, seeing as you seem to actually read, whereas I just look at all the pretty colors) WHAT DO YOU SEE THAT I DON'T SEE (the difference between "burnt orange" and "brick red")?!! Tell me your secrets! Or at least give me your outline!

MLK win

Civil rights are cool. So is having the day off. MLK rules.

Procrastination

I know that my assignment for the law journal is due Sunday. But I cannot for the life of me make myself get started. I have seriously refreshed facebook like 30 times, hoping that someone will post something I can use as a distraction. I have watched Millionaire Matchmaker (don't judge me). I have voluntarily unloaded the dishwasher.

Please, someone, make me start working.

Civilians :)

My sister-in-law after I described a case I am working on:

I see!

collecting... evidence?

witnesses .... affidavits?!

just using all the legal terms I know.

torts.

I like this blog, and I like this post:

http://thenambypamby.blogspot.com/2011/01/three-ways-to-tell-judge-that-i.html

Great.

Apparently I have a professor who cold calls students. I forgot this happens in law school. Does this mean I need to do more than stare at the pages of the text book when I am "reading?" When I am called on, can I just respond that I am a 3L and get back to napping? So many questions, so few answers...

Preparation

This is the first semester since 1L year I've had classes on Friday, and so far I am not liking it. The class doesn't start until 1:30, so I've spent my entire morning lamenting my bad fortune and surfing the web instead of getting prepared. You know, just general knowledge to get me up to snuff for the international litigation class. Websites about cats who love cheeseburgers, websites about TV stands, websites about why the cookies I bake keep coming out totally flat.

I should be totally ready for intense questioning about international issues come this afternoon.

So long, winter break!

Back to class today. All I had was employment discrimination. Some crazy kid brought up Hasidim and Leviticus and said he'd like to see more people wearing corn rows, so it should be an interesting semester. And by interesting, I mean I hope I go deaf. Soon.