Are you kidding me, Career Services?

Dear 2L Group:

If you will be clerking with a small or mid-sized firm this summer, you don’t want to miss the presentation tomorrow - So What Do I Need to Succeed at a Smaller Firm?

[So and So] with The [X] Firm will cover what he believes are the keys to success in a smaller firm, including:

· How to exceed your employers’ expectations this summer

· How to move with a purpose and have a sense of urgency

· The importance of listening to your employer

· How to make sure you understand your work assignments

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My Thoughts:

1. Move with purpose and have a sense of urgency? This sounds like a lecture on finding a public restroom when your bladder is really full.
2. Listen to your employer? Understand assignments? This sounds like the most important and helpful program KNOWN TO MAN!!!
3. I suppose none of these topics are relevant if you are working in Big Law. They will probably have a special program about levitating and drinking games.

The Scarlett Letter

In Professional Responsibility we were talking about conflicts of interest. As part of the lecture, we went over a case where a law firm represented a husband, A, and wife, B, in some estate planning business. The same law firm then took on another client, a mistress who wanted to file a paternity suit against the husband, A. My professor couldn't remember the client's name during the lecture, so you know what she called her? Hester.

Hilarious.

In preparation for the wedding, I have been going to fitness classes at the school of law fitness center. We have an outdoor bootcamp class that Intense Friend makes me go to. So far, the weather has been too out of control to get outside. But yesterday our instructor hauled us out there for an hour of torture.

My knees and rear were soaked from the wet grass, I was sweating like a Yettie in the Sahara, and I kept coughing up the last of the cold I've been getting over this week. I could have survived the bleacher runs, the bear crawls, and the X drills. But while crab crawling across the soccer field like an idiot/crackhead, a certain straw broke this camel's back:

The President of my law review ran by on the track...and waved hello as I miserably scooted along on my bottom.

Awesome.

Funny T-Shirt

When your pants are on fire, being a liar becomes less important.

Class Notes

Today in Federal Courts we were talking about US v. Stanley, where a former serviceman sued the military for injuries he sustained as a soldier when the army tested LSD as party of a military experiment. The Supreme Court prevented the serviceman from recovering damages against the military. Our professor asked the one veteran in our class what he thought about the case.

His response: If the military had given me LSD, I might have stayed in.

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Later, from the girl who spent the last decade in a tanning bed: Well, we all know how I feel about…the law? and humans? In general?

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I think it's safe to say that after this semester, I will be our nation's most preeminent scholar on the United States Federal Court system.

Email from a Friend in my Professional Responsibility Class

We are still just talking about confidentiality, which seems to have two basic principles: (1) Shut up; and (2) When you can't shut up, tell the truth. Quick, somebody get me a law license.

Streamlining the Process

I had an interview this morning with a good sized law firm that I liked. But it sort of felt like a pity interview. My interviewers were nice, but we hardly talked about the firm at all, and I only got to ask one question about the firm before I was ushered out. Strange. Now I will do my best to stifle hope and wait X number of days to get a polite rejection letter from them.

Waiting for an answer is like being in a terrible one-sided relationship. Does he love me? Is he just confused? Maybe he's playing hard to get? Is this rejection letter just a ploy to see how persistent I am? Should I send some naked photos? Cash? Hookers?

No more. I am going to institute a new practice. At the end of every interview, I will hand over a self-addressed, stamped envelope stuffed with a polite letter that contains two boxes--check yes or no. This way, all the firm will have to do is check a box, sign and send. Sooner answer for me, less trouble for them.

You're welcome, law firms of America. This is just another reason why you should be hiring me.

LLM?

Application Essay Title: If I Just Keep Going to School, I Will Never Have to Panic about Getting a Job or Repaying my Loans.

Friendship: Good for the Waistline

The psychologist who visited my child advocacy class today said, "Social isolation is bad for people. Jeffrey Dahmer was very isolated. And then he ate people."

I can't afford the calories. I better make some more friends.

Hilarious Craigslist Post

To the guy who probably thought I was a stalker - w4m