Trouble.

I start my judicial internship on Monday. Unfortunately, I ran across some bad news while reading the Code of Judicial Conduct for Texas judges.

Canon 2: A Judge Should Avoid Impropriety and the Appearance of Impropriety in All Activities.



Does falling asleep in a restaurant count?


Being the meat of a hump sandwich with two total strangers at a wedding I wasn't invited to?

Dancing on a bar in makeshift golf attire?

Uh oh.

Bumper Cars: Less Fun When You're Over 7 Years Old & On An Actual Road

Why you should be my facebook friend:

Click to enlarge. Or don't, it's whatever.

My New Calling: Bore Myself to Tears

In the wise words of Jesus Christo, It Is Finished. (Hi, God. Just quoting your Son, here. Don't take it the wrong way.) The Law Review Competition is done, exams are over, and I don't have to wake up before 8am if I don't want to. It's surreal.

I watched six episodes of law and order today. I didn't brush my teeth until 3pm. I ate 112% of my saturated fat content for the day during the first hour I was conscious. I am relieved to have a break, but in the same vein I feel vaguely worthless without any obligations. Which is why I plan to go to the tailor tomorrow to get some pants hemmed.

Hey, you gotta start somewhere. Baby steps.

Law School is one big joke, and I am the punch line.

Exams are finally over and now I have to try to write on to law review. Bracing myself for hours of Bluebooking and another inferiority complex. Failure is imminent.

Word.

"I'm a frisbee-tarian. I believe that if you're a bad person, when you die, your soul flies up on to the roof and gets stuck up there forever."

This is true. It's a little known bible verse in Psalms.

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"I wrote this song while I was driving from San Francisco to Sedona."

That doesn't seem safe. Or fair, considering my friend got pulled over by a bike cop

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"She's the typical person you always think is on drugs, but never really is."

My sister, about this swaying, giggling, somewhat nerdy, musician. However, after a round of self-reflection, I realize she could have been talking about me.

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"I think if I were ever a musician, I would be a yodeler. Because you're singing, but you're also kind of making jokes at the same time."

Such wise words. Think about it: Who doesn't want to giggle a little when they hear yodeling? Also, can you quote yourself? Because I just did.

Four exams down, one to go! I can see a light at the end of the tunnel!

But with my luck, that's probably just a train.

Torts Exam: 40 Questions
Time Limit: 3 Hours

An hour and a half in to the exam I am still writing on question 1a. This does not bode well for my Supreme Court appointment.

Supreme Job Offer

I am going to have to back out of my three summer internships, but I think Justice Fancy-Socks & company will understand. A better opportunity has presented itself:

BBC: Souter to Leave Supreme Court!

It's a shame Souter is leaving. He's been a consistently level headed justice with a commitment to the reasonable interpretation of the Constitution. And more importantly, he really made George H.W. look like a jackass. Bonus points for that. Anyway, yes I realize I have big shoes to fill. But I think I'm qualified. I mean, I have trouble fitting my resume on one page. Also, I have a free subscription to Westlaw until I graduate from law school. So that will help with the deficit. Plus I don't really have any skeletons in my closet. Except a skeleton costume from Halloween. But I don't think that should get in the way of my confirmation.

So let me answer your question preemptively, Mr. President. Yes. I accept.

I've been frustrated and confused trying to study for torts because my supplement has all sorts of weird things in it that don't seem to make sense. Finally today it occurred to me to look at the copyright date...1995.

Oh. That makes more sense then. THIS BOOK CAME OUT WHEN I WAS NINE YEARS OLD.