I fell off the wagon

Well. I haven't had internet at my house for two days. I won't get it back until Saturday. I thought this would be a nice little vacation for me. No obsessive stalking of Icanhascheezeburger.com, no reading political news until I want to leave the country, no writing backhanded compliments on friends' facebook walls and giggling to myself about it later. (I use the term "friends" loosely).

Well, less than 48 hours in, I've cracked. I went to class this morning like a junkie straight out of two days of rehab. Just call me Amy Winehouse. My hands were shaking, I was sweaty and nervous until I pulled up that first web page. And the joy came rushing back. I'm hooked. What happened in class today? Couldn't tell you. Who are my professors? Don't care. How do I like school? What school, I thought those buildings were created solely for my use and abuse of the internet.

I think I have a problem.

On another note, I've noticed that when I can be bothered to pay attention in class, I end up losing the last bit of joy I have in life: puns. The other day we were talking about assault in torts. I thought of a joke I know. It's a great one, brace yourself.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

Admittedly, it works better spoken out loud. Assaulted/A Salted. Ha! Get it? Get it!?

Anyway, I started to wonder about the alleged assault of this peanut. Who was he assaulted by? Was he merely put in immediate apprehension of imminent harmful or offensive contact or did the contact actually occur? Did the assault turn in to a battery? Was their dual intent? Single intent?

Nooooooooooo. Why, God, Why!!! I'll never be able to think about peanuts in the same way again. And I blame Torts.

I'm self medicating. Back to the internet.