Clerk Company

So at the new job I work with a clerk who just finished his 1L year at an out of state school. We'll call him Curtis. Curtis was quick to tell me that he graded on to law review and moot court board. And that he has a full scholarship where he is, but he's thinking of transferring to Georgetown or somewhere else where he can take on student loan debt. (Idiot) Curtis also let me (and all the partners at lunch today) know he was on a soccer team as a kid that they called project 2010. The team was supposed to play in the 2010 World Cup. (How did that work out for you, Curtis?) And he constantly tells me I am wrong about law school/law firm related things because he knows it all now that he's taken torts.

I tried to like him, I really did. But he doesn't laugh at any of my hilarious musings, like that we should get a cat for our office (a Catscot) or hang hammocks from our cubicles. When I asked him if he would be interested in fetching me Diet Cokes for a living, he told me that he's been in school for too long to get people Diet Cokes. Rude. So since he clearly does not appreciate my sense of humor or my need for late-afternoon caffeine, I have decided to entertain only myself. I rant all day in an attempt to get some reaction out of him, but he usually ignores me or makes some jackass comment in response.

But I have had my redemption. Mr. Grade-On to law review told me he "carpools" with someone else in the office. You know who he "carpools" with? His mother. Who got him the job. Ordinarily I wouldn't care, however you get a job, great, the market is tough! But Curtis tried to hide it from me. And he is so arrogant that I took special pleasure in finding out that mommy had to get him a summer position.

I'm going to go talk to her about demoting him to my Diet Coke fetcher. And I might call her mom. Will report back soon.

Update: As an aside, Curtis is a JD/MBA student. After learning this, none of his behavior comes as a shock to me.

Face to face with my own mortality...Or something.

It's 9:37 on a Monday night and I am in the law review office fearing for my life. Why? Because School of Law finds it fit to leave the doors unlocked all day and night, and any old crazy person with half a brain ( I would venture to say even a quarter of a brain) could let themselves in here and hack me to pieces. How sad will it be if I die doing work for the law journal? The week before my wedding? With this terrible outfit on?

So sad. It. would. be. so. sad.

Thus I am armed. With a stapler. And 200 pages of nonsense written by some legal scholar with either a very quirky sense of humor, or an inability to speak English. So no worries, yall, I'm cool.

Sleeping In

It's my first day at my new clerkship and I don't have to be at the office until 9am. I am already loving this job.

More

Another reason the managing partner thinks I never work: His secretary doesn't give him my assignments. Then, when I confront her about it with him standing there, she throws me under the bus. Good news, though, it's very shady under here. And it smells like the Gulf of Mexico.

Also: I deposed a six month old baby. Well, almost. I mean, her mom was being deposed and the baby was sitting on her lap growling at me. She must know I'm a dirty corporate defense lawyer...and I like it.

And another great elevator moment: This time, the jazzy version of Bob Marley's I Shot the Sheriff. I'm not supposed to get married for another couple of weeks. If I find the building DJ, this wedding could very well be called off!

Friday is my last day at this firm. Then it's back to my own home and my fitness instructor, who I am mildly obsessed with and have maybe missed more than Brandon Walsh. Woohoo!

Just realized I've been putting all of my assignments for the managing partner in his outbox instead of his in box. This may explain whe he thinks I never work.

I typed "Why can't" in to Google and the first suggestion that popped up said "Why can't I own a Canadian?" Seriously, America?

Update

Only two weeks left of my first half clerkship. I've managed to arrive to work every day without forgetting to put on pants. And that, ladies and gentleman, is success in my book.

You can wear overalls to the office on casual friday. I read it in the employee handbook.
Looks like I'll be making a trip to osh-kosh-begosh in the near future

Since I love to sabotage myself...

This weekend I went to a firm party at a partner's lake house.

And introduced myself to an attorney I've already met. (You know, just one of the TEN attorneys in my office.)

Thereafter, I tried to sink in to the ground or disappear in to thin air, but to no avail. I mostly just apologized and covered my face in my hands while he stared at me looking incredulous and dejected. 

Perhaps I should have followed up by asking him to go find me a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon. (Now!)

I think this is what they call "putting your best foot forward." I'll let you know when I get the job offer. 

Tunes

Elevator music at law firm just played a jazzy version of 'gangsters paradise.' Who's the DJ around here, and how do I get that job?

We had some wild weather last night and now the legal secretary closest to my office is detailing ever clock in her house that she had to reset after the power went out. This is irritating to listen to but surprisingly, it's a nice break from hearing about her cats seven hours a day.

Awkward Office

One day last week right before lunch I tried to download a Bed Bath & Beyond coupon so I could run over to the store on my break and buy a wedding gift for a friend. (Don't judge me, I love a bargain.) So I did a google search and clicked on the first link that showed up. Almost immediately the virus software launched in to action warning me that I'd just downloaded a virus. Great. So in order to avoid an embarrassing encounter later when the office system picks up porn and gambling from my computer (I swear it's not me...shoves dollar bills in to desk drawer), I went to talk to the office administrator. That it itself was embarrassing, but she was really cool about it and came to my computer to look around.

It was only after she had been cruising the internet for ten minutes that I realized she thought I was asking her to find me another coupon. I was so embarrassed and sure she thought I was a total bitch, but I didn't know what to say! I let it go and just tried to forget about the whole thing over the weekend.

Today she brought me a Bed Bath &Beyond coupon from her house.

I hate myself.