No shoes, No shirt, No helmet, No service

In other news, I have gotten in to biking lately. I think I like it because it feels sort of like a roller coaster, but with less vomit. So when I'm running errands or making short trips, I bike instead of drive. Since I have today off, I decided to bike up to a local shop and buy some fresh pasta. I made it up there without breaking any bones (miracle 1), hopped off my bike without falling over (miracle 2), and proudly strolled in to the shop like the pretentious eco-conscious biker that I am. Immediately I noticed everyone in the store was looking at me. I figured it was probably because they all wanted to be me. Or because there is more vomit involved with biking than I thought. I shrugged it off, placed my order, and waited for the clerks to hand over the goodies. More brow furrowing and confusion ensued. This did not phase me.

Until I saw my reflection in the window as I left the store.

I was still. wearing. this.



Whatever, I ride a bike, I'm awesome.

Just Beat It.

I am just going to come right out and say it. I. am. tired. of. hearing. all. this. shit. about. Michael. Jackson. Sure he had a tough life, sure he made some (allegedly) good music in the 80s. But here's what else is going on in the world that CNN has relegated to the bottom of its webpage (if they even bother publishing it at all).

• Honduras has had a COUP...wtf
• The Supreme Court is issuing sweet opinions like EVERY DAY NOW. Big issues like "reverse discrimination" (scoff), overthrowing the McCain-Feingold campaign finance rules, teens being strip searched in schools, etc. (BTW--THAT is drama.)
  
• Today is the day all US troops are pulling out of Iraqi cities, perhaps a transparent and meaningless crowd-pleasing gesture, but still!
• Health care reform plans are being proposed like, daily. The government might decide to TAX YOUR HEALTH BENEFITS as part of your salary. Wake up.
• Iran is in the middle of an election fraud crisis that will in all probability keep a crazy HOLOCAUST DENIER in office
• Maddoff was sentenced to 150 YEARS in a Federal prison. This sentence is supposedly a message to other greed-driven white collar criminals, but no one is going to bother listening, because everyone has "Thriller" cranked up so loud.
  
• Finally, there are a lot of really cute cats on icanhascheezburger.com, but no one seems to care.
  

Here's the bottom line folks: It's sad, but sometimes pill popping crazies die. Then the world goes on. Get with the program or pull out your sequined glove and start building a time machine; you're about to get left behind.

Day late and 1/20 of a Point Short

Well, the good news is that after semester of slacking I managed to land in the top third of my class and will get on to a Law Review. The bad news is that I missed being in the top quarter of the class by a few hundredths of of a point.

Sigh.

So long, dreams of being fancy lawyer. Hello, nights of chasing ambulances around in my dying car.

In the middle of a heated conversation about a case before the court, the judge I work for suddenly says, "STOP! Everybody stop for a minute!" I look up surprised. "Do ANY of you wear CONTACTS??"

Chorus of "No's"

"I just think it's AMAZING that you all have such good eye sight."


This is who interprets our laws. Be proud, Texas, be proud.

Grammar Lessons

"Cost for Children: $53 per child, per night when sharing room with parents ages 4-17."

Hilarious.

Texas Two Step

Stuck on the train on my way to work this week, I thought to myself, "Here I am, stuck on the train for an hour, and I am neither crying in frustration nor boiling with rage. I have really turned a corner! I am finally controlling my emotions!!"

After the train finally started moving and got to my stop, I stepped outside and promptly got soaked by a deluge of water courtesy of a freak North Texas storm. I approached the court house laughing. But my laughter quickly dissolved to tears when I realized how wet and scary it was to be outside in a monsoon. I cried all the way through security, (Guard: Are you crying because you're wet? Self: No, I'm just so...surprised!! *hysteria continues*) up the escalator, and to my desk. So much for turning a corner.

Oh well. As they say, one step forward, two steps back.

Was just caught sleeping at my desk...by the Chief Justice of the Court of Appeals.

What can I say...I may not be committed to my legal work, but at least I am dedicated to my own self-destruction.

Back Up Plans

If lawyering doesn't work out (and judging by this internship, that's seeming more and more likely) I think I should start a nail salon. It would be called "Get Nailed." I've never wanted to start a nail salon before, but since I thought of a sweet name, it could be worth it.

Also I could start a parking lot, which has been my long term back up plan for a while now. Only last night I realized I could call it Par King Lot. And you could park and play a few rounds of mini golf before you get on your way.

The moral of this story: In the future, look for me on the side of a highway with a sign that says, "Will Work for (Organic) Food."

Some Advice from Your Public Defender:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/spk/1140769884.html