"Met a big group from my section out on Saturday. Guy from Yale declined my invitation for another beer because he was 'trying to develop good study habits.' Awesome."
Get used to it, sister. While this answer seems like that of a typical recovering alcoholic (more fun), it's actually the mark of someone who will become a real prick of a lawyer. You're lucky he didn't attempt to report you to the dean.
30 August 2009
29 August 2009
Concurrence in Nordyke v. King, 563 F.3d 439 (9th Cir. 2009).
"That we have a lawfully armed populace adds a measure of security for all of us and makes it less likely that a band of terorists could make headway in an attack on any community before more professional forces arrived."
WTF! This is why we should have guns in our homes??
I'll be living in a gated community (not just one of those regular communities), so I think that will fend of "bands of terrorists" until more professional forces arrive.
Also, the term band of terrorists make me think of this:
So it's hard to take this argument seriously.
"That we have a lawfully armed populace adds a measure of security for all of us and makes it less likely that a band of terorists could make headway in an attack on any community before more professional forces arrived."
WTF! This is why we should have guns in our homes??
I'll be living in a gated community (not just one of those regular communities), so I think that will fend of "bands of terrorists" until more professional forces arrive.
Also, the term band of terrorists make me think of this:
So it's hard to take this argument seriously.
Cruel & Unusual
Saturday afternoon.
Have been trying to start my reading for the last 5 hours.
Have not cracked a book.
Long year, straight ahead.
Have been trying to start my reading for the last 5 hours.
Have not cracked a book.
Long year, straight ahead.
27 August 2009
As reported by a friend:
Strange kid walks in to the classroom mid class. Takes two steps. Looks around. Immediately bolts out of classroom.
Professor points and shouts as kid runs off, "Get out of my jurisdiction!!!"
Oh hilarious law jokes.
Strange kid walks in to the classroom mid class. Takes two steps. Looks around. Immediately bolts out of classroom.
Professor points and shouts as kid runs off, "Get out of my jurisdiction!!!"
Oh hilarious law jokes.
How My Professor Ended Up With Alimony Payments
When the professor asked which tile of the Clean Water Act was violated in San Francisco Baykeeper v. Cargill Salt, none of us gave the right answer. His response:
"You're all wrong. But I'll tell you the answer. If I were my wife I would just keep asking the same question until I got the answer I wanted."
"You're all wrong. But I'll tell you the answer. If I were my wife I would just keep asking the same question until I got the answer I wanted."
26 August 2009
As Found on Best of Craigslist
How especially pertinent:
__________________________
One of the worst experiences in law school has been the ritual of submitting applications for summer employment and then going through a series of 20-minute screening interviews that would put a marine drill sergeant to shame when it comes to humiliating and dehumanizing you. Here are my top-ten (least) favorite questions, and how I actually answered them as opposed to how I would have liked to answer them.
1. Why are you interested in this firm?
What I said: Your firm handled (insert name of case I read on their website) which I found to be exciting because it was just like another case I was reading in this class I got an A in. I've also asked some (read: none) upper class-men about your office and they said it's a great work environment.
What I thought: I looked through your attorney roster and saw that you hire people who do not appear to have any honors and come from bad law schools. That made me think that I have a chance to work here.
2. Why did you go to law school?
What I said: I went to law school because I want to be able to make a difference. Legal work allows me to be competitive and to work for justice, both of which are important things in my life.
What I thought: That's a good question, and I ask myself it daily. I'd have to say the answer is, stupidity.
3. Do you think your grades are an accurate reflection of the kind of work you will do as an attorney?
What I said: Law school has been a challenge, and I think my grades reflect that. More important than my grades, which by the way have steadily improved over my academic career, is my dedication to the work I do. My performance during my summer jobs is the best indicator of how I will work, and you will find that my previous employers were all pleased with me (or at least forgot who I am and so will not remember the fuck ups).
What I thought: My grades are absolutely a good reflection of how I will work. I will put in the minimum amount of effort needed to not get fired, and I will approach my job with contempt and disinterest.
4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?
What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.
What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.
5. Tell us about a recent mistake that you have made.
What I said: I accidentally misfiled a case at work that was set to go to trial the next week. As soon as I realized this, I alerted my supervisor and disaster was averted.
What I thought: An even bigger mistake I've made has been wasting 20 minutes of my life in this interview instead of taking a dump, that would have been much more satisfying and productive.
6. What do you do for fun?
What I said: I enjoy jogging, skydiving, and traveling to exotic countries.
What I thought: Binge drink. But really, I don't have a problem. And I swear this is just a plain Diet Coke. (Checks breath)
7. Tell us about your style of leadership.
What I said: I lead by taking the initiative and working proactively with my peers to come up with solutions.
What I thought: I lead by playing "The Eye of the Tiger" on a boombox while pounding my fist on the table and shouting insults. (It works, I've done it)
8. If you don't get hired by this firm, what will you do?
What I said: I will analyze what I could have done better during the interview and take that knowledge with me into my next interview with [rival firm name].
What I thought: I will breath a sigh of relief that I won't be working for an asshole like you. Or I will stalk you and slit your throat. I haven't decided yet.
9. Do you have any questions for us?
What I said: Will I have a key so that I can come in and work on the weekends?
What I thought: Will I have a key so that I can come in and have sex with my girl friend on my desk on the weekends?
10. We value creativity among our associates. With that in mind, what kind of plant would you be, and why?
What I said: I would be a tree, because they are tall, strong, and live a long life.
What I thought: I would be a tree, so that I could fall on you and kill you
__________________________
One of the worst experiences in law school has been the ritual of submitting applications for summer employment and then going through a series of 20-minute screening interviews that would put a marine drill sergeant to shame when it comes to humiliating and dehumanizing you. Here are my top-ten (least) favorite questions, and how I actually answered them as opposed to how I would have liked to answer them.
1. Why are you interested in this firm?
What I said: Your firm handled (insert name of case I read on their website) which I found to be exciting because it was just like another case I was reading in this class I got an A in. I've also asked some (read: none) upper class-men about your office and they said it's a great work environment.
What I thought: I looked through your attorney roster and saw that you hire people who do not appear to have any honors and come from bad law schools. That made me think that I have a chance to work here.
2. Why did you go to law school?
What I said: I went to law school because I want to be able to make a difference. Legal work allows me to be competitive and to work for justice, both of which are important things in my life.
What I thought: That's a good question, and I ask myself it daily. I'd have to say the answer is, stupidity.
3. Do you think your grades are an accurate reflection of the kind of work you will do as an attorney?
What I said: Law school has been a challenge, and I think my grades reflect that. More important than my grades, which by the way have steadily improved over my academic career, is my dedication to the work I do. My performance during my summer jobs is the best indicator of how I will work, and you will find that my previous employers were all pleased with me (or at least forgot who I am and so will not remember the fuck ups).
What I thought: My grades are absolutely a good reflection of how I will work. I will put in the minimum amount of effort needed to not get fired, and I will approach my job with contempt and disinterest.
4. What would you say is your greatest weakness?
What I said: My greatest weakness is that I get too personally involved with my work. For instance, when I am working on trial prep, and then the case settles favorably, I feel as though it should have gone to trial anyway, despite knowing that the settlement is what's best for our firm and our client.
What I thought: Pussy. If there are any females in your office, you can be certain I will work twice as hard to get into their pants as I will to make my billables. And yes, since you require us to bill 1,900 hours, that means I will be sexually harassing my co-workers 3,800 hours a year.
5. Tell us about a recent mistake that you have made.
What I said: I accidentally misfiled a case at work that was set to go to trial the next week. As soon as I realized this, I alerted my supervisor and disaster was averted.
What I thought: An even bigger mistake I've made has been wasting 20 minutes of my life in this interview instead of taking a dump, that would have been much more satisfying and productive.
6. What do you do for fun?
What I said: I enjoy jogging, skydiving, and traveling to exotic countries.
What I thought: Binge drink. But really, I don't have a problem. And I swear this is just a plain Diet Coke. (Checks breath)
7. Tell us about your style of leadership.
What I said: I lead by taking the initiative and working proactively with my peers to come up with solutions.
What I thought: I lead by playing "The Eye of the Tiger" on a boombox while pounding my fist on the table and shouting insults. (It works, I've done it)
8. If you don't get hired by this firm, what will you do?
What I said: I will analyze what I could have done better during the interview and take that knowledge with me into my next interview with [rival firm name].
What I thought: I will breath a sigh of relief that I won't be working for an asshole like you. Or I will stalk you and slit your throat. I haven't decided yet.
9. Do you have any questions for us?
What I said: Will I have a key so that I can come in and work on the weekends?
What I thought: Will I have a key so that I can come in and have sex with my girl friend on my desk on the weekends?
10. We value creativity among our associates. With that in mind, what kind of plant would you be, and why?
What I said: I would be a tree, because they are tall, strong, and live a long life.
What I thought: I would be a tree, so that I could fall on you and kill you
20 August 2009
It's not like I am babysitting the President's children!!
Imagine my surprise when I found this in my email:
"Hi Student-With-a-Possible-Record-But-Awesome-Personality,
Thanks for letting me know about your availability. We will consider you for a clerkship position for the summer. Right now, we are running background checks [emphasis added]. That process should take about a week to 10 days. Once it has been completed, you should hear back from us about the summer program.
Sincerely,
Unsuspecting-Lawyer-Who-Never-Bothered-to-Ask-if-You-Had-a-Record"
Shit.
Post-Script: I got a job offer from this firm. Must have unscrupulous background checkers. I should fit in well here.
"Hi Student-With-a-Possible-Record-But-Awesome-Personality,
Thanks for letting me know about your availability. We will consider you for a clerkship position for the summer. Right now, we are running background checks [emphasis added]. That process should take about a week to 10 days. Once it has been completed, you should hear back from us about the summer program.
Sincerely,
Unsuspecting-Lawyer-Who-Never-Bothered-to-Ask-if-You-Had-a-Record"
Shit.
Post-Script: I got a job offer from this firm. Must have unscrupulous background checkers. I should fit in well here.
19 August 2009
Failure, Part 357
Well, I've joined the faceless, nameless ranks of law students begging for summer jobs from Big Law. I've also joined AA. (joke, mom) But really. It's terrible.
I had an interview today with a firm I really liked. The interviewer (sneaky bastard...) asked what he should know about me that isn't on my resume that would make him remember me and want to hire me.
Long bout of silence.
I have been trained to put every bit of qualifying information on that resume. There is nothing NOTHING about me that is not on there. It even has my blood type. And a short monologue about the time I tried to smoke a cinnamon stick as a child. (Curiosity killed not only the infamous cat but also my left lung. It was like cinnamon FIRE.) I just kept drawing blanks. Eventually I mumbled something about being hard working and self motivated and a fan of the city's basketball team (lie). I decided to polish off my flawless answer with the following:
And you will like me.
Needless to say, I won't be making partner at Big Law and time soon. Instead, I'm picking up applications at Church's Chicken and Big Lots. And crying in the arms of strangers.
I had an interview today with a firm I really liked. The interviewer (sneaky bastard...) asked what he should know about me that isn't on my resume that would make him remember me and want to hire me.
Long bout of silence.
I have been trained to put every bit of qualifying information on that resume. There is nothing NOTHING about me that is not on there. It even has my blood type. And a short monologue about the time I tried to smoke a cinnamon stick as a child. (Curiosity killed not only the infamous cat but also my left lung. It was like cinnamon FIRE.) I just kept drawing blanks. Eventually I mumbled something about being hard working and self motivated and a fan of the city's basketball team (lie). I decided to polish off my flawless answer with the following:
And you will like me.
Needless to say, I won't be making partner at Big Law and time soon. Instead, I'm picking up applications at Church's Chicken and Big Lots. And crying in the arms of strangers.
03 August 2009
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