First of all, let me start this by saying I'm listening to the Eagle's greatest hits. If I write something you find offensive in this post, take comfort in ridiculing my taste in music.
Now.
Pete used to work at this store where a serial killer once purchased a carving knife for one of his victims. Actually, said killer tried to purchase it at Pete's store, but they were out of stock, so the killer had to go to another store near by. I need Pete to get that job back so I can appropriate the carving knife (at an employee discount, I'm a poor grad student, let's not forget) for legal purposes.
Alright, the purposes would not be legal per se but the purposes would be served in a legal environment. What I'm getting at here is that I'm going to have to saw off some arms if the students in my classes don't stop raising them. I'm tired of all the inane questions, irrelevant comments, and reminders to the professor that we actually have fifteen more minutes of class if he wants to expand on the history of torts in the 16th century. Here's a memo for all you overeager, panting puppies: No one gives a shit what you think. Especailly you, skinny white guy in the white V-neck undershirt and gangster chain. Are you going to go home and beat your wife after this? Don't answer that.
Listen, all that matters is what the professor says. He/She is not going to remember who you are and think you're smart and hug you in the halls. At most he/she will think you've done the reading. Right before he/she forgets your name. So put your hands down and use them to frantically take notes and turn pages like the rest of us.
Don't make me get out my carving knife.
Now.
Pete used to work at this store where a serial killer once purchased a carving knife for one of his victims. Actually, said killer tried to purchase it at Pete's store, but they were out of stock, so the killer had to go to another store near by. I need Pete to get that job back so I can appropriate the carving knife (at an employee discount, I'm a poor grad student, let's not forget) for legal purposes.
Alright, the purposes would not be legal per se but the purposes would be served in a legal environment. What I'm getting at here is that I'm going to have to saw off some arms if the students in my classes don't stop raising them. I'm tired of all the inane questions, irrelevant comments, and reminders to the professor that we actually have fifteen more minutes of class if he wants to expand on the history of torts in the 16th century. Here's a memo for all you overeager, panting puppies: No one gives a shit what you think. Especailly you, skinny white guy in the white V-neck undershirt and gangster chain. Are you going to go home and beat your wife after this? Don't answer that.
Listen, all that matters is what the professor says. He/She is not going to remember who you are and think you're smart and hug you in the halls. At most he/she will think you've done the reading. Right before he/she forgets your name. So put your hands down and use them to frantically take notes and turn pages like the rest of us.
Don't make me get out my carving knife.
1 comments:
I'm loving this entry. You are my new favorite blogger.
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