Signing Off

As it turns out, it's tough to find time to blog when you have a real job. Everything seemed so much easier when my main responsibility still required limited pant-wearing. I've been absent from this blog quite a bit over the last few months, and I think it's finally time to admit defeat. Law school is over. To be honest, it wasn't bad at all. Now I'm moving on to bigger and better things (or so I'm told). So I guess this is goodbye. Thanks for reading, mom all.

Goodnight, good luck, and enjoy that delicious drug they call Westlaw while you still have it, kids.

Bar Exam

I survived.

More on that later.

There is an LOL Cats Bar Exam page on Facebook.

And I have been on there browsing for hours.

And I know nothing about the law.

WTF

I sometimes wonder if Barbri has even looked at the essays for my state in the last, say, 15 years. Almost every question has some element I have never heard of.

Do you hear me Barbri?! Why didn't you teach me about strips and gores? Why didn't you teach me that a landlord has no duty to repair after a big storm until the insurance gives her the money? Or maybe you could have explained just what exactly fund trapping is and how it works? Why didn't you teach me that there is no way I am going to learn all of this and I should just give up and flee to Mexico before the department of ed starts looking for their loans?!

These are the kinds of wills I am dealing with.

I hereby leave all my estate to my dog, Noodles, because I despise my only sister, Karen, who harassed, humiliated and embarrassed me both publicly and privately since we were both children. In the event Noodles predeceases me, I leave my entire state to the SPCA.

I'm starting to feel.
(Breathe)
A little crazy.
(Breathe)
About this test.

Gulp.

Seriously?

I am on an email list for Real Simple magazine (love!) and they send me little tips and recipes and stuff. Well today I got an email. Re: If you do just one thing this month.

"If you do just one thing this month, brush up on stain removing tricks."

Yeah, that's the one thing I'm going to do this month.

Thanks, Barbri

"For 'adult movies' there must not just be some redeeming social value; it must have serious redeeming value. For example, it would not be sufficient that an otherwise obscene movie included short tips on the importance of brushing teeth."

A different kind of bar life

Her: I got kicked out of a bar last night.
Me: What?! How?!
Her: My roommate stole a drink off the bar and gave it to me. I got nabbed while drinking it!
Me: Who steals a drink at a bar?!
Her: Apparently we do. But you don't understand. It was so blue and it had a little pineapple on the top of the glass!
Me: That does sound tempting...
Her: Unfortunately, it was also very easy to identify when the bartender realized it had disappeared.

I miss having a social life. Or any life at all. I want to drink a blue drink with a pineapple in it. But, alas, I don't even remember the last time I wore real pants.

Victory!! ...and Defeat.

We caught the mouse in the humane trap!! BW woke me up in the middle of the night and we drove Barrister out to the golf course a few miles away and set him loose in the greenbelt! Victory!!

I seriously woke up this morning with a huge weight lifted from my shoulders (isn't that ridiculous!?). Unfortunately some of that weight is back because I learned my hard drive is about to fail (again...). I sure hope that (1) the new hard drive comes quickly and can be installed before the bar exam and (2) the board of law examiners will let me download another copy of ExamSoft even though the deadline has passed.

If not, I'm joining Barrister in the forest.

I'm going to get the plague

Pretty sure the mouse lives in my couch. FML.

True or False

1. I contacted pest control to get rid of Barrister
2. I then started feeling guilty about murdering Barrister
3. I then called Brandon Walsh at work to get his read on whether or not I should have the pest control guy come after all
4. I decided to trick the pest control guy in to coming anyway, to spray for bugs
5. I had a heart-to-heart with the pest control guy about getting rid of Barrister
6. The pest control guy confessed that he once had to kill a mouse and it almost brought him to tears
7. I was almost brought to tears thinking of Barrister in a mouse trap
8. I spent a small fortune on the internet buying "humane" mouse traps, which will probably end up not working
   
9. The website says to check mouse traps often to be sure the mice don't overheat. Hilarious.
10. I am losing my mind

True. All of the above are true.

Mouse in the House

I'm subletting from a friend this summer. Apparently the apartment came complete with a mouse. It pooped on my desk. Brandon Walsh saw it last night scampering around.

I really do not want to live with a mouse.

But he's so tiny and cute, I also do not want to kill him.

I shall name him Barrister. And he shall poop on my desk and help me understand the mens rea for all the different murders. Until I get up the courage to do him in.

Have abandoned my family law outline. Am watching America's Got Talent on my couch.

All hope is lost.




----

Thoughts on America's Got Talent:

First I started tearing up because this 40 year old Asian woman was never allowed to sing (Tiger mother) and she was an amazing opera singer.

Then, Fantastic Fig with his cat Newton came out. He used to be an attorney but now he does magic tricks with his cat. He said being an attorney was fun, but being a magician is better. This is a likely career path for me now that I've cast aside my bar studies in favor of this highly worthwhile show.

On the whole, there are some talented people I guess. But I think the show would be more aptly named America's Got Weirdos.

Think it over, TV Execs, and get back to me.

How to study for the bar:

I have tried to make this a game. I bought a stupid timer in the shape of a tomato. I set it to 25 minutes. After that time I can have a five minute break. It actually works pretty well because I am always racing to see how much I can get through before the time is up.

If, like me, you have the disposition of a five year old, I recommend it.

Legal Ease gets published!

Also, did I mention that for graduation, Brandon Walsh had my blog printed and bound like a book? And it was so sweet I cried?

Technically that makes me unstable an author.

I am the epitome of cool.

Am I studying my MBE notes all alone at 10pm on a Saturday night, blaring Does He Love You and singing both parts of the duet between Reba McEntire and Linda Davis?

Yes. Yes I am.

Currently

OhhayitsKK hit the nail on the head. I didn't expect studying for the bar exam to be so difficult. Usually people seem to exaggerate about how difficult things are, so I ignored the warnings.

But as it turns out: this shit is hard.

Luckily my sister in law just sent me a big box of fresh cookies. Very sweet. I might not jump off a cliff now. I sort of think she and Brandon Walsh are planning to fatten me up, hoping I'll become a jolly plump lady. Chances of plumpness are high. Chances of jolliness are not.

In other news, Brandon Walsh got a job in our new city, which is awesome. (He starts in July--just in time for me to quit going in to the office, take over the house with study materials, and cry in my spare time.) Being the totally reasonable and responsible person I am, I booked a trip to Belize to celebrate.

Once again, we're headed to the Caribbean in the midst of hurricane season. I will be pissed if I die in a storm after all this work.

That's all.

The bar exam has made me high maintenance. I just made BW go to the store and buy me all this:

Also, I'll be 200 pounds by July 29

I mean, I don't suck that much: I have business cards now. And a credenza.

I suppose I'm doing just fine.