Last week I prepared a no-evidence summary judgment motion. I am fairly confident it went something like this:

Sir Francis Bacon was clearly never a summer associate.

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties." --SFB



In my case, I start with doubts, continue with doubts, and end with doubts. Then I cry a little and beg for mercy.


You can quote me on that.

Week 1

I never seem to have time to catch up during the week, so here are some random insights in to what my summer clerkship has been like so far:

Before work started, I purchased a new suit for to wear on my first day. I could have sworn in the dressing room that it was gray, but when I took it home, it had turned brown. I thought it was weird, but I liked the suit and kept it anyway. On Monday morning, I wore my new brown suit with my new brown pumps. And when I got to the office, the suit turned gray again. This would have been fine, except I was wearing brown shoes. Embarrassing. I was betrayed by my own wardrobe. 

On the first day, I was almost immediately given an assignment--a no-evidence motion for summary judgment. I have drafted exactly zero of these motions (or really, an motions) in the past, so it took me about 12 hours total. Also embarrassing. I think these things take the regular associates about 30 minutes. And they made me use a dictaphone to draft it. So I turned in about 30 minutes of me giggling on tape to the word processors, and another 30 minutes of actual voice recording. 

I also have about ten million research memos to finish. But I am so afraid they are going to be terrible that I won't stop researching. I have probably run up a $30k tab on Westlaw, and I have nothing to show for it but a bunch case law that is at best tangentially related to what I am supposed to be writing about. My goal this week is to stop being such a baby and turn something in, so it can be destroyed and rewritten as soon as possible. 

Also, I am this firm's only summer associate (the firm is fairly small) so there is no one to commiserate with except the bobcat (who, I suspect, is telling everything I say to the partners. If he weren't already dead, I'd kill him.). I like the work, and I like the people but no one prepared me for this. I'm just sitting at a big fancy desk, trying to play lawyer and avoid peeing in my brown/gray traitor suit. 

The saga continues...

Work = Game

The first days at the firm have been fine. I am afraid to take a moment's rest because they stare at me disapprovingly if I'm not billing hours. And by they, I mean the bobcat, deer and duck mounted on the walls of my office.

More to come.

Starting.

I'm all settled in to my sister's house in my hometown and I begin my first-half summer clerkship tomorrow. If I make it through the day without being fired, I'll be sure to report back. If I do get fired, you'll all win those bets you've made. So let me say in advance, you're welcome.

Allergies

CVS had a sale on allergy medicine. Ten for $10! So I bought as many as I could carry. Now I am waiting patiently for the police to come with a search warrant to find a suspected meth lab.

Go for it, cops! I have nothing to hide, and I'll never sneeze again!! Muahahaha!

Now.

In the blissful week between finishing school and beginning work, I've been trying to appreciate the little things. Like realizing at 6pm that I still haven't brushed my teeth yet. Or having the time to clean the grout between our tiles line by line. Or staying up until 4am just to watch the newest episode of Cheaters.

Don't judge me. Life is wonderful.

Done.

I'm a 3L. Bring on the boring!

Exam Prep

Tomorrow morning is my PR exam. Today I ran in to a girl in my class who told me, without a hint of irony in her voice, that she has already prepared 85 canned answers for the test.

What is the world coming to?

Pondering...

Does completing my PR exam on Tuesday mean I can finally take the ABA model rules shortcut off the bookmarks bar in my web browser?

Or should I keep it around so I don't get drunk, go to court without pants on, and tell the other side all of my client's deepest darkest secrets?

Oh the big questions of life...