Ha.

While sitting buried in cases and statutes, I look up to see the guy across from me reading a book: The Destruction of the Law Student.

So God has a sense of humor. So funny I forgot to laugh.

High Tea with Lord Nichols of Birkenhead

I cannot read the Attorney General for Jersey v. Holley Case. I cannot read it because the opinion is written by Lord Nichols of Birkenhead and every time I start to look over it, my internal dialouge starts reading in a British accent.

I begin thinking of crumpets. Giggling ensues. I am asked to leave the library.

Law School: 1
Me: 0

The Value of a $120,000 Education

Reading for Property Class on Feudal tenures and services:

"One Roland is recorded as having held 110 acres for which on Christmas day every year he was to perform before the king "altogether and once, a leap, a puff, and a fart."

I'd say my money has been well spent.

I fell off the wagon

Well. I haven't had internet at my house for two days. I won't get it back until Saturday. I thought this would be a nice little vacation for me. No obsessive stalking of Icanhascheezeburger.com, no reading political news until I want to leave the country, no writing backhanded compliments on friends' facebook walls and giggling to myself about it later. (I use the term "friends" loosely).

Well, less than 48 hours in, I've cracked. I went to class this morning like a junkie straight out of two days of rehab. Just call me Amy Winehouse. My hands were shaking, I was sweaty and nervous until I pulled up that first web page. And the joy came rushing back. I'm hooked. What happened in class today? Couldn't tell you. Who are my professors? Don't care. How do I like school? What school, I thought those buildings were created solely for my use and abuse of the internet.

I think I have a problem.

On another note, I've noticed that when I can be bothered to pay attention in class, I end up losing the last bit of joy I have in life: puns. The other day we were talking about assault in torts. I thought of a joke I know. It's a great one, brace yourself.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

Admittedly, it works better spoken out loud. Assaulted/A Salted. Ha! Get it? Get it!?

Anyway, I started to wonder about the alleged assault of this peanut. Who was he assaulted by? Was he merely put in immediate apprehension of imminent harmful or offensive contact or did the contact actually occur? Did the assault turn in to a battery? Was their dual intent? Single intent?

Nooooooooooo. Why, God, Why!!! I'll never be able to think about peanuts in the same way again. And I blame Torts.

I'm self medicating. Back to the internet.

How tall do you have to be to ride the emotional roller coaster?

I'm only 5 feet tall. When I was a kid my parents used to take us to this theme park, Knobles. I was never tall enough to ride the roller coasters and this infuriated me. Now, here I am, all sixty inches of me strapped in and locked down on one wild ride. Let me detail the reasons I believe I am on the verge of a nervous break down:

• The other night I dreamt that the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and I was hysterical about it. I woke up highly perturbed.

• I am scaring people in my Torts class, because it's so boring I can't help but peruse the internet. My new favorite stomping ground is http://icanhascheezburger.com/. Imagine how creepy it must be to sit behind me as I look at talking cat photos.


• I giggled all through property thinking about hobos and Adverse Possession.


• I was thrown in to a fit of rage in legal writing when the girl next to me started whining about how she didn't want to read for Criminal. Step aside, chubbs, I'm sure there are many people who would be happy to take your place at this school.
  
• I didn't do the reading for my Civil Procedure class when I knew today was the day my row had to explain the cases. This is not like me. Generally, I read the entire text book each night, just to be safe.


• And finally, what really worries me is...I HATE MY CAT. Really. I do. But tonight when my fiance took her to his mother's house because the landlord is coming over and hates the cat more than I do, I cried like I would never see her again. (Here's to hoping)

When I'm crying about a cat I despise, something is wrong.

What I'm getting at here is that through my whole childhood I could never ride a freakin' roller coaster when I felt like it. Now I'm being pushed on to one without my consent and flying all over the place unprepared. Tomorrow I have to have lunch with one of the Deans of the law school. Bet I'll make a great impression when I burst in to tears and/or hysterical laughter over my turkey sandwich.

Shit.

Manic Wednesday

My contracts professor gets so excited about contracts that he has to wear crokies so that his glasses don't fly off his face in a fit of rage about the Tunkl factors.

My property professor is about to have a nervous break down because we can only cover one case per class. Why is this? Mainly because overzealous students insist on making up uber-detailed, hypothetical scenarios to ask about during class. Today we talked about adverse possession. Simplified to a great degree, if you openly inhabit another person's land for a period of years, you can make a claim that you own the land. People were asking whether a person who lives in a mall and posts videos of themselves on the internet for 30 years could say he owned the mall. WTF?!

First of all, don't you think someone would notice if you lived in a mall for 30 years? Secondly, would a moron who lives in a mall for 30 years even know about adverse possession? No.

This. Never. Happens.

So for the duration of the class, I unsuccessfully stifled laughter and imagined a bunch of Hobos stealing a property law book, discovering Adverse Possession, and then setting up a cardboard camp on the edge of some land in order to come in to possession of it by adverse means. I love hobos.

Is it the weekend yet?

Things I mull over to keep from drooling in class

My Legal Writing professor keeps detailing things that "are not legal writing"

1. Putting one space instead of two spaces after a period: This is not legal writing.
2. Using excessive adjectives or poorly placed prepositions: This is not legal writing.
3. Failing to cite after each sentence: This is not legal writing.

(and so on)

I have just one question. Does violating the rules of legal writing make one guilty of illegal writing?

Muahahahaha.

Ponderings over a glass of wine

The best part of my day:
When LexisNexis says "Congratulations, citation wizard!" after I get a legal citation entry right. I've always wanted to be a wizard. Where's the Hogwarts school of law?

The worst part of my day:
Accusing a girl of stealing my books when I handed her my books freely and voluntarily about five minutes earlier without realizing it. This of course ties with the two altercations I became involved in when my assigned seat had been taken in two separate classes. Next time I'm getting violent.

Just call me Ms. Popularity. And then run before you become my next victim.

For Whom the Road Tolls

Dallas, in its infinite wisdom, has toll roads all over the place. Since it requires a fair amount of scrounging around for loose change for me to leave the house, I've been holed up indoors for weeks and catching up on politics. Usually this induces feelings of nausea, but today was different. Check out these two stand-up guys:

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/09/01/biden-reacts-to-rove-insult/
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/01/obama.palin/?iref=mpstoryview

I feel I should comment on Palin, but the woman's politics literally leave me speechless. After many conversations on her appointment, I will say this: The only explanation for her nomination is that John McCain has decided he doesn't want to be president, and she's his out.
(Ironic side note: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/09/02/palin_slashed_funding_to_help.html)

On an unrelated note, there is a God. Just when I thought the booze in this town had dried up: http://www.pegasusnews.com/drinkspecials/map/

Now. If you don't mind, I have to go scrape together a few nickels so I can leave the house.